So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
