There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
