You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
