saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
