we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
