Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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