if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
