so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
