We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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