Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
