You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
