i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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