If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
