I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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