8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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