Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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