That's intense
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
