i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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