You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
