I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
