In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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