I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
