my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
