You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
