okay pat passed out under dana's car
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
