dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
