If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
