My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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