i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
