How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
