I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
