somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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