so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
