I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
