In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
