he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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