RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
