I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
