ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
