so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
