Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
