I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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