you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
