You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
