think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
