hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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