im having a threesome with these popsicles
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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