dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
