I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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