My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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