Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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