ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
