Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
