He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
