i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
