he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she looked like the before picture.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
